Author Topic: Pathetic question that has nothing to do with diabetes  (Read 370 times)

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Offline BBarb

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Pathetic question that has nothing to do with diabetes
« on: 22 July 2018, 05:35:26 PM »
This is very much 'off topic' and has nothing to do with diabetes.
I am very much a cat lover (non-cat lovers look away now, this is not for you!  :( ) and belong to a cat lovers forum just like this one and post frequently on various topics.
Last week my daughter's 18 year old cat went missing and I thought she'd probably gone away to die (as they often do) - but I asked if anyone could suggest some words of comfort I could give to daughter and family and got some lovely answers in return.
The poor cat was sick, bless her, and on quite severe painkillers but (to my eyes) obviously dying so I'm not surprised this was happening.
I know I've had very generous help and advice from you on here, and I'm asking you what I should do about a member of the cat group who posted back a really cruel and abusive reply saying, basically, that owners of sick cats should be hung drawn and quartered for not getting their sick animals put down to save their suffering.
I can't understand why, after all the lovely encouraging replies, this one sticks in my mind!  I truly find myself suddenly bringing it into my head when I'm dropping off to sleep.  I'm now beginning to understand why teenagers get to thoughts of suicide from getting nasty messages on facebook.
Any hints on how I can toughen up, and stop letting this vicious person get under my skin like this?
I'm a strong 79 year old woman for goodness sake, not some emotional child!

Offline Dr DeEath

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Re: Pathetic question that has nothing to do with diabetes
« Reply #1 on: 22 July 2018, 06:48:09 PM »
Basically there is little you can do. If you can report it do so. I have come across moderators deleting responses felt inappropriate. The one thing to do is not to respond to it and let them know they have got to you. I have had some fairly bad responses in some forums (not here) over the years. In fact I quit one as I felt the issue was with biased moderators. They did not leave my resignation up long! :)

 So try and forget it and enjoy the evening. If you have the occasional drink I would suggest a chilled Sauvignon Blanc!
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Offline Venomous

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Re: Pathetic question that has nothing to do with diabetes
« Reply #2 on: 22 July 2018, 09:17:19 PM »
Remember that someone else's comments say more about who that person is (in and of that moment) than anything about you or what they're purportedly commenting about. Everyone has an opinion, it's their right to say what they feel.... and our right to ignore them as we see fit :) As my husband says, you aren't responsible for someone else's lack of understanding or ability to empathise (except he uses the word "stupidity" :D )

I would hazard to guess that this keeps popping into your mind as this opinion is rather callous and at difficult times especially, we all need a little kindness and compassion. A little kindness eases the pain of loss, wheras cruelty compounds the pain of grief. Most of us do our best in life with our own issues, caring for ourselves, caring for those we love (that includes our pets), whilst trying to cope with the day to day minutiae of life.  How sweet were you to be thinking of your daughter and words of comfort to offer her and her family. There are lots of people in the world who won't understand what you are going through and what your loved ones go through when you lose a much loved family pet, but some will.

I'm really sorry to hear about the cat, I'm really sorry this person upset you also. Bullying online is so easily done, because some people find it hard to visualise real people behind a screenname or they may have "fake courage" hidden by anonymity, they may enjoy creating a "victim" so as Dr DeEath says, don't allow them that pleasure.

If the moderators see fit they may remove the offensive comment. Ask and see. Then take a deep breath, it's a new day tomorrow.
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Offline Pattidevans

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Re: Pathetic question that has nothing to do with diabetes
« Reply #3 on: 23 July 2018, 12:13:17 AM »
Firstly BBarb since you commented that the subject was very off-topic, I have taken the liberty of moving it to this category.  No offence meant.

My first thoughts are how would the respondent feel if she were terminated the first time she was in pain and taking Pain killers?  However as admin and a moderator I would ask “was her language offensive?  Did she attack or denigrate you?”  If so report to admin as this is unacceptable behaviour in any forum.

If she merely disagreed with you yet was respectful I would ask a member to respond in the same vein with their own valid point of view.

I am sorry you and your daughter have lost your valued pet and more so that you, as a lovely kind person have been upset by such an insensitive person.  Please know there are a few people who are horrible, but more who spend their online time trying to help.  {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

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Offline nytquill17

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Re: Pathetic question that has nothing to do with diabetes
« Reply #4 on: 23 July 2018, 03:26:44 AM »
It might help you to know that the internet is full of pedants who are very happy to hold others up to impossible standards that have no grounding in reality, and this is doubly true for anything to do with pets, babies, or grammar. Almost anytime there is question of animals/pets on the internet these days, there is always at least one commenter that has something critical to say. Cute video of a cat with a baby? Someone will say that you should NEVER leave a cat anywhere near a baby, even for a minute, and what kind of horrible parent just videos this happening instead of rushing to help? Video of a sleepy puppy being rocked back and forth inside a watermelon rind? Someone will say how the person is a horrible animal abuser for forcing the puppy into the watermelon and that the puppy is clearly unhappy and desperate to get away. And so on.

These people get some kind of pleasure out of feeling superior to others by making others feel bad about themselves, along the lines of "I know exactly what to do in all situations and I would NEVER do xyz like YOU are doing." I think it's sticking with you particularly because it's already a situation that's very emotional and full of sadness and maybe guilt feelings. When animals are in the end of life stage I think we do agonize over the best way forward - are we buying them time or prolonging their suffering? So I think someone poking directly at that nerve and insulting you personally in the process is definitely going to sting.

I think it might help first of all to be kind to yourself - the more you tell yourself you "shouldn't" be feeling this way (that it's pathetic or childish or over-emotional), the longer the feelings will take to dissipate then if you just accept that they are what they are, and that they will fade in time. And then maybe it could help to come up with a kind of mantra or quick sentence you can say to yourself whenever you catch yourself thinking about what that person said and rehashing it in your mind, something to remind yourself that the comments of one stranger who knows nothing about you, your daughter, or your cat - a stranger who was more concerned with being right than with being helpful or caring - carry no weight and to get you out of a negative thought spiral before it gets too far along. :)
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Offline GrammaBear

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Re: Pathetic question that has nothing to do with diabetes
« Reply #5 on: 23 July 2018, 03:05:10 PM »
I am sorry for your loss.  It is my opinion that losing a pet is like losing a family member.  Pets come into our lives, make footprints on our hearts and our lives are never the same.  I read the above sentence in a book many years ago and why I remembered it all these years later is beyond me.  Ignore people who say mean things to you.
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Offline BBarb

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Re: Pathetic question that has nothing to do with diabetes
« Reply #6 on: 23 July 2018, 03:31:08 PM »
I knew everyone on here was lovely, that's why I posted my cry for re-assurance on this forum.
Thank you for moving it Patti, I hadn't noticed this thread before although I knew it wasn't quite appropriate on the main board.
I feel much better now, and bless you all for being so kind and understanding when you could well have told me to grow up and get a life!  I've put that person onto my 'ignore' list (not that there's a list, he's the only person on it).  All I needed was a virtual elastoplast for my sore knee and a sweetie to stop me crying   ;)    (I told you I was pathetic).

Offline Quantum Learning

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Re: Pathetic question that has nothing to do with diabetes
« Reply #7 on: 24 July 2018, 09:30:10 AM »
There's nothing pathetic about it, this person clearly thought to score with someone who was clearly already upset.

I lost my beloved cat at 19.5 in 2011 & still miss her & still feel guilty as I didn't know when was right to let her go. She had hypo thyroidism & kidney failure Dx about 18 months earlier but was such a happy little thing for most of that time & clearly didn't want to go anywhere that we kept going. It would've been a lot cheaper to put her down earlier as she had to have regular blood tests for the HP and they cost £100 pounds each time.

Ever since she died I've been ripped apart wondering if I did it at the right time. I had always promised her I would always look after her & not let anyone hurt her but by the time I got the vet out she couldn't find a vein in her leg & injected her straight into her heart, it destroyed me & I'm crying now remembering how awful it was, me holding her down while the vet stuck a bloody great needle into her heart. She carried on breathing for a while after so it was clear to me she didn't want to leave me, she never did want to. I wished afterwards I'd let her just pass away at her own time, with me, in the home she loved with the people who loved her but OH thought it was wrong so I called the vet out so she wouldn't have to leave the house. Not sure I'll ever forgive myself.
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Offline BBarb

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Re: Pathetic question that has nothing to do with diabetes
« Reply #8 on: 24 July 2018, 11:17:44 AM »
My heart bleeds for you Quantum, I had a similar experience years ago when the vet had to inject Miss Flip (the cat) directly into her kidney to her.  She screamed!  I have never heard a sound like it and it tore my insides out, I am also filling up just remembering it.
Someone once said to me 'a day too soon is better than a day too late' - which was supposed to help me but actually only made me feel guilty that I'd let her suffer too long.  Then I thought, if she'd been a human she'd have been left to suffer.
Don't beat yourself up for letting her go, if I could have given the same death to my sister in law I'd have gladly done it and gone to prison - she had a very painful form of cancer and would beg us to shoot her, it was pityful though a long time ago now its something you never forget.
Thank goodness pain relief is so much more advanced these days.
I didn't mean to 'go on' like that - just say you are all very kind delightful people - and thank you!

Offline Liam

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Re: Pathetic question that has nothing to do with diabetes
« Reply #9 on: 24 July 2018, 01:16:43 PM »
Sorry to hear someone was so rude about this.

I've always found it really hard to know what to do at the end of my pets lives. My last cat died next to me the night I'd decided to take her to the vets in the morning.

She was old and her kidneys were starting to fail. She went down really quickly.

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Offline himtoo

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Re: Pathetic question that has nothing to do with diabetes
« Reply #10 on: 26 July 2018, 09:03:05 AM »
certainly have a read of the rules on your forum and if appropriate hit the report button...

i am so sorry you had to suffer this.
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